It’s February which means Valentine’s Day is here. Valentine’s Day, like so many other holidays, has become commercialized and the reason for Valentine’s Day isn’t always at the forefront of people’s minds. But Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t have to be a day where you buy things out of obligation or behave in ways that do not feel natural. It can be a day where you take time to really think about and reflect on why you love who you love, and why you love the way you do.
Our early childhood experiences influence so much of what we know and think about love and what it means to give and receive love. If we had attentive parents/caregivers, we learn to be that way towards others. We learn to be affectionate and giving, and that it is safe to be vulnerable with another person. The opposite is true. If we had parents/caregivers that withheld love and rejected any signs of affection, we can act cold and distant towards the important people in our lives because we were taught as children that love is unsafe. The beautiful thing is each relationship offers us the opportunity to learn and/or strengthen how to express and receive love. We can learn to be more receptive, affectionate and giving. The first step is to improve our relationship with ourselves. If we believe we deserve love and act in loving ways towards ourselves, we will allow others to act lovingly towards us. Talking to yourself in a loving and supportive manner, eating healthy foods, exercising, getting enough rest, doing fun activities, and keeping your promises to yourself, are all ways that you can act lovingly towards yourself. Another way to act lovingly towards yourself is to recognize the part of you that may self-sabotage receiving love. If we feel unlovable or undeserving, we can unintentionally push others away when they act lovingly towards us. We can also enter (and stay) in relationships that reflect how we feel about ourselves. It can be hard to acknowledge that sometimes we self-sabotage by choosing an unloving partner because we feel unlovable and undeserving. So, again it is so important to learn how to be okay with receiving and giving love so that you don’t unintentionally end up in relationships where love does not flow freely between you and another person. Here are some journal prompts you can use, as you reflect on love: Who taught you about love? Did you feel loved growing up? Who is one person in your life that you love? What makes you feel love towards them? Who is one person in your life that you know loves you? What’s one thing you love about yourself?
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AuthorChristina is a Psychotherapist in private practice. She supports residents in both Kansas and California. Archives
January 2025
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