Recovering From Heartbreak

   Love can thrive in the scariest of places. Yes, you read that correctly. When we love others, we open ourselves up to being hurt, rejected or disappointed. When we open ourselves up to love, we place an immeasurable amount of trust in the other person. We also experience the challenge of opening our hearts wide enough to allow the other person to see and experience all of us. Not just the good, but the not so good too. It can be hard to be vulnerable but it is a key ingredient when it comes to creating and building loving relationships. When we are vulnerable, we are on full display, flaws and all. If we do not love or like ourselves, it can be hard to let others see all of us, and thus love us. Love requires full surrendering and acceptance towards ourselves so that others can love us as well.

  When we experience heartbreak after allowing another person to love us, it can be difficult to be vulnerable with someone new. After a heartbreak, many people say I will never be that vulnerable again. But then someone new shows up unexpectedly and the questions begin to fly, “will I try again?, “ Will I let them see all of me?”,  “Will I let them love me?” All of these questions are valid and good questions. But I believe that the most important question often gets overlooked. “Do I love myself?” I believe this because it is hard to be vulnerable and let others love us, if we do not love ourselves. We can also look in all the wrong places and allow toxic behaviors from others, if we do not love ourselves. That is why it is so important to love ourselves. When we love ourselves, we make healthy choices in relationships and in life.

   Reflecting on the love you have for yourself is the most important thing to do when considering another romantic relationship following a broken heart. When we love ourselves, we trust ourselves and know that at the end of the day, it is our love for ourselves that will get us through any heartbreak from a breakup or setback we experience in life.
 
   One thing you can do today to start practicing and developing self-love is to reflect on the parts of you that you like, appreciate or are grateful for. Accepting ourselves as we are, is a step towards allowing others to love us. When we don’t accept ourselves, we hide. We hide for reasons such as shame, fear of rejection, mistrust, past heartaches, and these all create blocks and others are not able to fully love us. We can fall into a cycle of feeling unlovable because we do not allow others to love us because we are too afraid to allow others to see and accept all of us. Again, the practice of self- acceptance is the path to loving oneself. And when we love ourselves, we become healthier mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. These all lead to happier and more fulfilling relationships.  
 
   We teach others how to love us by how we treat ourselves. If you talk poorly to yourself, it can unintentionally send the message to others that they can do the same, or that they do not have to treat you with kindness and respect. With that, self-talk is another key ingredient of practicing self-love. Each day, say something loving towards yourself. Talk to yourself like you wanted or want your caregivers to talk to you. Talk to yourself like how you would talk to your child or a child. You, regardless of your age, deserve to be treated and talked to in the most loving of ways.
   
   It probably goes without saying but practicing self-love and acceptance also means taking care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Remember that love is a verb. It’s a choice. Yes, feelings of euphoria, satisfaction, calmness and more, happen when we love someone and feel loved by another person. But it is the act of loving ourselves and allowing others to act lovingly towards us that truly creates the wonderful feelings that we all desire and deserve. 

Image by Mandy Nov Shahl/Unsplash